You know worrying doesn’t help you.
You know worrying isn’t good for you.
You may even know that worrying is actually the very thing that is keeping you from what you want and attracting to you what you don’t.
You are sold on the importance of not worrying.
Great. Now, how do you do it? Or rather, how do you not do it?
Actually, that little linguistic hiccup points to a big part of the problem when it comes to the seemingly futile struggles to not do the things we think we shouldn’t and our heroic efforts to not fail to do the things we think we should.
If you had to read that last paragraph twice, it is probably because the words were arranged in such a way that their essential meaning was clouded as much revealed by them.
In many cases, this is exactly how we arrange our thoughts, which are really bits of communication that we exchange with ourselves and with the rest of The Universe.
Very often we think a lot about the presence or possibility of what we don’t want and the lack of what we do want, and it is often astonishingly unusual for us to settle into giving our attention to that which we do want for any appreciable length of time.
Even when we do start giving our attention to that which is wanted, it seems as if every instance of desire or preference triggers within us an instantaneous awareness of its opposite, of either a lack of that which is wanted or the fact of that which is unwanted.
Fighting this inclination only perpetuates and intensifies it until our entire consciousness consists of a phrenic alternation between Lack [of wanted] and Fact [of unwanted].
So, if wanting to not worry is really just perpetuating more of the unwanted worry by virtue of emotionally charged attention to it, what can you do?
A very useful first step is to realize that the sensation of worry is really just what it feels like to direct your attention in a particular direction.
To feel “worried” is simply to touch on a particular subject and to feel its energetic or vibrational “texture”, just like the sensation of velcro is simply what it feels like to touch upon the material known as velcro.
This may seem like a perfectly obvious fact when it is spelled out in this way, but taking the time to look glance twice at that which seems obvious and uninteresting at first glance often opens the doors to entire worlds of new experience that most people never even begin to explore.
Don’t you already feel a little relief even just considering that the reason for all of that worry is simply that you have been doing a lot of touching upon unwanted subjects with your attention?
Isn’t it refreshing to consider that the amount of worry you are feeling is simply the result of how often and for how long your attention has touched on the subject of unwanted, and that it doesn’t necessarily mean anything other than that?
So many people I know use worry (especially intense worry) as its own justification. They say something like:
“I know it is silly to worry about this, but when I worry about this a lot I find that I just worry about this so much and then, you know, I am really worried about it!”
It is as if they build up a lot of worried momentum by thinking about and giving attention to unwanted, and then they use the presence of all the worry that has accumulated as evidence that they are justified in continuing to worry.
So, worry is simply what it feels like to direct your attention in a particular way.
Most generally, worry is what it feels like to touch upon the subject of unwanted.
Now, the thing is, you can’t not aim your attention in a particular direction; you can only direct your attention somewhere else.
And for many people even this is difficult to the point of seeming impossible, because the more you try to look at what is wanted in an effort to avoid looking at what is unwanted the more you see unwanted where wanted used to be because although you may say you are thinking about what you want what you are really attempting is the impossible task of not looking at what you don’t want, and whenever you try not to do something, you do.
So you don’t want to worry, and you don’t want to not want to worry, because wanting to not worry is just another example of touching upon and then worrying about unwanted (we all know the person who worries about worrying more than they worry about what they claim to be worried about), so what do you ?
One very effective approach is to worry more on purpose, intentionally, and deliberately.
This is a little trick I learned in my early days of helping people overcome these nasty and elusive little patterns: if you do unconsciously that which does not serve you, and if conscious attempts to not do that which you do unconsciously fail, very often the easiest, most downstream path to positive change is to short-circuit the pattern by conscious doing that which does not serve you.
So, if I tend to worry when I don’t mean to, to slip into patterns of thinking about and worrying about things when I’m not paying attention, and if my attempts to force myself to not worry have failed, I might try sitting down with the express and conscious intent of worrying, just to see what happens.
If when you lean away from unwanted, unwanted seems to pursue you, see what happens when you lean in to it.
If what you resist persists, see what happens when you allow it.
Better still, see what happens when you concisely conjure it, when you demand yourself to worry on command.
This is much more than mere “reverse psychology”; this is true Inner Alchemy.
Acceptance of what is, in the moment and for the moment, really is the one missing prerequisite for the positive change that you are wanting.
Experiential acceptance of the fact that you change that you want is wanted now and is not yet realized is the key to realizing it and manifesting it in your reality.
For some of the people that I work with, emotional resistance to the fact of unwanted, to aspects of what is, to ourselves, the world, and other people that we do not want, is such an automatic and unconscious pattern that simply prescribing acceptance does not work.
If I suggest that you aim for total acceptance of what is, in the moment and for the moment, what you think of as acceptance actually still involves a tremendous amount of resistance.
In order to compensate for this skewed perception, and in order to address the fact that most of us are so thoroughly practiced at chronic resistance that we can resist without even realizing it, in order to really get you to accept something like worry I’ve got to give you the cue of actually doing that thing on purpose.
This may run contrary to much of what you have learned in the personal and spiritual growth world, but the disparity between these teachings and the teachings of others is precisely why these teachings work so much better.
This is really working with psychic energy in a direct, head-on manner. This is becoming ultimately acquainted with the beautiful nuances of your own creative process, of the system of perceiving and thinking and feeling and experiencing that gives rise to What It Is Like To Be You.
This is what it is to really play with your vibration, to experiment with it, and discover and expand the creative power of your mind.
Not simply talking about working with these things, as so many people do, but actually doing it.
Please share this found this article if you found it helpful or if you know good people who spend too much time worrying when they would rather be doing something else.
And if you are interested in learning more about this approach, how to enroll in the Ever Better Life Course, or how you can work with me directly, please email me at Support@EverBetterLife.com